Are you an Asker or a Guesser?

This fabulous article about Askers and Guessers really helped me with something that I’ve always struggled with! Maybe it will help you too!

My problem is that I really hate asking for things. I’m the kind of person who waits for someone to offer. So back in the day I waited to be given a pay rise or promotion. I would never ask for it.

Nowdays I run a small business so I HAVE to ask for things. Can you imagine how tricky I find that?! I really have to pull myself together and make myself do it! Of course when I DO ask it’s always good and fine. But still I find it hard. Sheesh. My anxiety about ‘asking’ is annoying and perplexing.

Anyhoo I’ve now discovered, thanks to the article, that I’m actually very normal. Hurrah! It seems there are two types of people: Askers and Guessers.

Askers are happy asking for anything. They grow up thinking that that’s the way you do things! They’re also really comfortable with getting ‘no’ as an answer. They’re very sensible really: they want, they ask, they get an answer and they move on.

Guessers, on the other hand, avoid asking for anything. If they need some kind of favour they’ll put out ‘delicate feelers’ or drop hints which they hope will prompt the other party to offer to do them the favour.

Oh goodness. I’m such a guesser.

What I’ve learned by looking into this Asker Guesser thing is that:

1. It helps to know whether you’re an Asker or a Guesser
2. It helps even more to know whether the person you are asking is an Asker or a Guesser!
3. Askers are fine SAYING ‘no’ to requests. Guessers are very uncomfortable saying ‘no’ (I think ‘cos they hate hearing it themselves)
4. If you’re an Asker asking something of a Guesser, you’ll probably irritate the Guesser with your “pushiness”
5. If you’re a Guesser trying to do the ‘delicate feeler’ thing to an Asker you’ll probably irritate them with your wimpyness

Eek! What should you do?

Well here’s what’s worked for me:

Sometimes I try and find out whether someone is an Asker or a Guesser. You can do this by casually telling them a story of when someone has asked you for something. Watch their reaction! (I think this works well for social “asking”!)

For business “asking” I mostly decide to be an “asker”. Yes! I put on my big girl pants and do it! Sometimes I write a note to myself saying “You are an ASKER”. It works! I’m clearly not a full-blown Asker but I try to get off that Guesser fence. I’ve found that re-reading this article and the original thread before I need to pop my Asking shoes on really helps.

Finally I’ve got bolder at saying ‘no’. I figure that most people who ask are Askers and they don’t mind hearing ‘no’. Hurrah! That makes it so much easier!

 Are YOU an Asker or a Guesser?

 

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